One of the many…many lessons taught to me growing up was the incredible importance of realizing that although our troubles seem many there are those who suffer more then we do. There are those who truly hunger, there are those without shelter, there are those who have been abounded , there are those who feel unimaginable pain, there are those… I have a great amount of gratitude for this lesson….The lesson of remembering “those”. It has helped shape me and mold me into a sensitive and sympathetic soul.
As with most things in life there is a flip side. Although I would gladly share the burdens of others, the very idea of sharing my “burdens” is perhaps one of the most uncomfortable things for me to do. My mind rejects the idea and my heart threatens to beat right out of my chest at the very thought of it. To except help is like saying that my burden has become much to heavy to carry on my own. Excepting this is excepting my lack of control…My lack of strength to withstand the weight. I don’t want to have that kind of burden in my life. My load should be light…It has to be light…It is light…compared to “those”.
My life is beautiful. The Lord has daily blessed me in so many wonderful ways…but if I am going to be honest here…Which I told myself I would do…Which is kinda the whole point of this post…I will tell you now that my life like “those” is met with a little daily discomfort….The painful kind…The physically…and yes sometimes mentally…painful kind.
About seven years ago I was given a reason for this pain…Endometriosis. Although I do not want to get into the lovely details of this chronic disease at this time I will tell you this…It hurts…It hurts and invades me at the very core of what makes me a women. On the inside I am full of scares…painful battle wounds of years worth of this relentless disease. Its unwelcome presence is felt each and every day. It has taken and it has given.
Most days I am able to “ignore it”. I remind myself yet again that there are “those” suffering far worse then I am in this very moment. Then there are those other days….The days where the true weight of this “burden” breaks me down and leaves me sobbing on the kitchen floor. That’s where I was last week…On the kitchen floor…with the vacuum running…hoping my children could not here me crying out.
I have spent a lot of time lately pretending that my symptoms were not getting worse. You see the reality of the options for treatment…besides what I am doing right now…are not something I like to think about. They are drastic…Life altering. But there I was…on the kitchen floor…immersed in the full undeniable reality of my situation. Then somewhere deep down inside where I try to silence the troubles of my day a small voice broke through…”It’s time..Do something”.
Along with a call to my Doctor this is me doing something. I am putting it out and laying it down. I am reminding myself that my public acknowledgement is not a self proclamation of my suffering being greater than “those”…There will always be “those”…I will not forget them or the incredible value of the lessons taught in my youth…But I will also remind myself that I too am one of “those”…One of “those” 6.3 million “Endo” suffering women in the U.S. alone…I want to share my crazy chronic disease filled journey with “those”. I want to lighten that heavy load we try to carry alone. So that’s what I’m going to do…Something that makes me unimaginably uncomfortable…because it’s time.
Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”