inside out

The last week or so has been a little more full then I like. It seemed to overflow with much of the same…but with a fast and steady down pour. As I often do I found myself retreating…Going inside myself…Running from “life’s relentless flow”. Allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts provides a certain peace and calm…At first…But left alone…Left stagnant for too long…My thoughts become restless. Suddenly the currents shift causing thoughts to surface…The kind of thoughts that send waves of “what ifs” and “if onlys”.

In the midst of battling the undertow that is self doubt, I still found myself not quite ready to leave this inward escape. So like many of us do…I clung onto a little self serving distraction. This always seems fine and good until I realize…that it…and me…are not really fine…or good. (I know, I know…You are both shocked and amazed by this realization…I always am too;) 

There have been so many ordinary, seemingly insignificant…all together probably too common…gray hazed days that God has shown his all knowing…all seeing light through. Luke 8:17 “For nothing (no thought) is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret (no self serving pity party) that will not be known and come to light.” In his gentle “Child…You better check yourself before you wreck yourself” way he forces me to open up those “comfort curtains” I have placed over my eyes and take a look at the sunshine I am missing just outside of myself.

On this particular day that sunshine was quite literal. The Youngins and I had been cooped up with colds all week. The plan was to continue to stay indoors to rest. At first they were content…We watched movies, put puzzles together, and made plenty of play-dough creations…But then they took notice of the warmth streaming in from our sliding glass door. They stood in it, sat in it…dreamed of going out and playing in it. A little spiritual nudge was all I needed…and we were off to find our healing in midst of all that glorious, glorious sunshine.

Just like that…As my bare feet touched the warm grass below…As I soaked in the sights and smells of that sun filled Fall day…I woke from my inward slumber. I had been renewed…revitalized…yet again…from the inside out. I raised my glance upward now ready to except the steady down pour of God’s endless grace…and his many blessings. My cup overflowed…I thanked the Lord for shining a light on my greater purpose…The one that is outside of myself. The “one” that was looking right back at me…as they played in the sunshine. Proverbs 20:5 “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.”

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