One of the many…many lessons taught to me growing up was the incredible importance of realizing that although our troubles seem many there are those who suffer more then we do. There are those who truly hunger, there are those without shelter, there are those who have been abounded , there are those who feel unimaginable pain, there are those… I have a great amount of gratitude for this lesson….The lesson of remembering “those”. It has helped shape me and mold me into a sensitive and sympathetic soul.
As with most things in life there is a flip side. Although I would gladly share the burdens of others, the very idea of sharing my “burdens” is perhaps one of the most uncomfortable things for me to do. My mind rejects the idea and my heart threatens to beat right out of my chest at the very thought of it. To except help is like saying that my burden has become much to heavy to carry on my own. Excepting this is excepting my lack of control…My lack of strength to withstand the weight. I don’t want to have that kind of burden in my life. My load should be light…It has to be light…It is light…compared to “those”.
My life is beautiful. The Lord has daily blessed me in so many wonderful ways…but if I am going to be honest here…Which I told myself I would do…Which is kinda the whole point of this post…I will tell you now that my life like “those” is met with a little daily discomfort….The painful kind…The physically…and yes sometimes mentally…painful kind.
About seven years ago I was given a reason for this pain…Endometriosis. Although I do not want to get into the lovely details of this chronic disease at this time I will tell you this…It hurts…It hurts and invades me at the very core of what makes me a women. On the inside I am full of scares…painful battle wounds of years worth of this relentless disease. Its unwelcome presence is felt each and every day. It has taken and it has given.
Most days I am able to “ignore it”. I remind myself yet again that there are “those” suffering far worse then I am in this very moment. Then there are those other days….The days where the true weight of this “burden” breaks me down and leaves me sobbing on the kitchen floor. That’s where I was last week…On the kitchen floor…with the vacuum running…hoping my children could not here me crying out.
I have spent a lot of time lately pretending that my symptoms were not getting worse. You see the reality of the options for treatment…besides what I am doing right now…are not something I like to think about. They are drastic…Life altering. But there I was…on the kitchen floor…immersed in the full undeniable reality of my situation. Then somewhere deep down inside where I try to silence the troubles of my day a small voice broke through…”It’s time..Do something”.
Along with a call to my Doctor this is me doing something. I am putting it out and laying it down. I am reminding myself that my public acknowledgement is not a self proclamation of my suffering being greater than “those”…There will always be “those”…I will not forget them or the incredible value of the lessons taught in my youth…But I will also remind myself that I too am one of “those”…One of “those” 6.3 million “Endo” suffering women in the U.S. alone…I want to share my crazy chronic disease filled journey with “those”. I want to lighten that heavy load we try to carry alone. So that’s what I’m going to do…Something that makes me unimaginably uncomfortable…because it’s time.
Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
TheBarefootNester 
Oh Kara. I can relate to the “just a little daily discomfort”. Suffering with the “daily discomfort” of Fibro for the last 11 years has been such a pain. Here’s to reaching out to others and sharing the burden of pain filled days.
Here, here!
Praying that you find relief soon.
Thank you so much! Prayers are always, always appreciated!
I am so very proud of you for this post! I know that this is very hard for you. This was a wonderful step in you wonderful journey. Just always know that sharing your burdens makes everyone stronger!
Thank you Margie…for everything you do to make my journey that much brighter!!
Brave, powerful post. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
Thank you so very much!! I can feel the support from here…Which always helps!!!
You are very brave for deciding to share your journey with us. I suffer from several chronic invisible illnesses and diseases, one of which is endometriosis. I understand that pain so very well. I ended up having, over 3 surgeries, a complete hysterectomy. I have 4 children, so that was ok. Now the weird thing is,is that I’ve had endometriosis, again, after the hysterectomy. I was told that the microscopic cells can be all over inside your pelvic and abdominal cavities and they, of course, can only get what they can see when they are in there. I believe I have it again, along with adhesions, but no one will touch me, again, because I’ve had a total of 11 surgeries and 9 of them were in my abdomen. With each new surgery, there will, most likely, be more adhesions which don’t show up on CT scans or any other tests. You only know you have them when they can see that your organs are pulled out of place. I was so shocked to learn that you can also continue to get endometriosis after a hysterectomy. Pain from endometriosis is indeed some of the worst pain I have ever experienced. I hope you can get some relief from this soon. I’ll be praying for you.
Peace and Hugs,
Tammy
Thank you so much for sharing a part of your journey with me. Getting to hear advice and encouragement from “others” that can truly relate was one of the many reasons I decided to open up about my own journey. Sending prayers and hugs right back at ya!
Thank you, Kara.
I’ve already been through so much. My mission now is to help as many others as I can, even though I’m still sick and not having such a great time myself, but I do share a lot. I also have learned a lot from others that I communicate with here. So, I’m not only here to share, but to learn, as well. It sucks to know that there are so many others suffering, as well, but it’s comforting to know that you are not alone on your journey. Stay strong and no giving up. You still have a lot of life left to live and to share. I pray you get the answers you need to get the pain relief you need.
Peace and Hugs,
Tammy
I choose to ignore this disease for so long I feel like I missed out on many years of learning. Now I want to find out as much as I can. There are so many treatments with so many different opinions on whether or not they are worth investigating. It’s so easy to get lost on this journey. Knowing that I have others walking down the same path gives me the courage I need to move towards finding the treatment that works for me.
Trust me, you are now on the right path.
I practice mindfulness and meditation daily, or almost daily. some days I just can’t do it. After a lot of practice, patience, and belief in myself it started to work in ways I never would have dreamed of.
🙂 Tammy
I am so looking forward to getting to that place myself!!
My journey has, now, come to halt. I will explain in my next post that I’m going to attempt shortly. This is just the way it is when you live with chronic pain and chronic illnesses.
Just so you know that having surgery for it, or going all the way with it and having a hysterectomy, doesn’t mean your endometriosis will be gone and fixed forever. It can and does come back. I was shocked to find out I had it, again, after having a hysterectomy. Get 2 or more opinions from different doctor’s before you make any life altering choices. Surgery will not be the end of it. It may be at first, temporarily. I had endometriosis all the way up under my ribs. I was told you can get it in any part of your body. That was hard to believe. Just remember you have to be your own advocate. Wishing you the best on your journey and always remember you aren’t alone. This is a good place to get the best support. Sending good, healing vibes your way.
Peace and Hugs,
Tammy 🙂
Thank you so much for your continued support and advice. I needed to hear all of what you just shared right when you shared it! This journey is full of so many choices…Hard life changing choices. It means so much to hear from someone who knows what that journey looks like…and feels like. Along with my own voice it is voices like yours that I am trying to hear over all the noise of the so called “experts”. Sending good healing vibes right back at ya!!
I’m here for you any time. You can ask me any questions you want about this matter. I’m not an expert, but kind of. The real so called experts don’t know what it’s like to have this damn pain and disease. They want your money, you are just a number to them. Now, I did have the best, in my opinion, OB/GYN who truly cared about me and even got me help for my other diseases when no one else would. On two different occasions, she put me in the hospital, had me admitted and told me she would get me the best team of doctors for all my chronic diseases and conditions, and she did. She had every kind of doctor you can think of see me. She delivered all 4 of my kids. She was so awesome and she went and retired on me last year. She was only in her late 50’s. I was so upset. She was my doctor for 28 years. She treated me like a damn queen. I’m serious. I had and have so many issues in that area, to start all over with another doctor and try to go over my whole history is such a pain in the damn ass, but I do care about you and I will help you as much as I can. I’ve been through a lot medically, so unfortunately, I do know a lot about a lot of different illnesses and I’m also a nurse. I haven’t worked as a nurse for over 20 years because I wanted to raise my children myself. We sacrificed a lot, but it was well worth it to me. You cannot take my knowledge away from me. Probably a good thing I went through nursing school, not knowing at the time that all the knowledge would be of great help to myself one day. More good healing vibes coming your way. Please keep in touch. 🙂
Tammy
I will be keeping in touch for sure! Thanks again!!
Any time. Just remember I’m here. I can’t work any more because of all my chronic illnesses and spend a great deal of time right here on wordpress, unless I’m at an appointment. If I don’t respond right away, I’ll respond just as soon as I get online. I don’t know where you are, but I’m in the U.S. and it’s 11:27 p.m. here now.